Everyday circumstances arise as they have day after day, week after week for months and now for years; they are obstacles and barriers that make for circumstances to be less and less clear and evermore shrouded.

so ok that my mind has become clouded with worry and an inability to see there can be a j curve turning pint a 180-degree swivel.

To take the pathway leading ever down into deepening, depressing darkening despair back toward genuine awareness of dispositional frailty and logical appreciation of the fact that help can be provided to help manage the despair and distress that has become a part of life for so long – if only I had the confidence and nerve to tread that alternative pathway.

it is hard to remember when things were not as they are now and I go to bed of a night and dream and wake up next morning feeling thoroughly depressed and out of it because the deep sadness and despair casts over everything and there is so much baggage and hideousness from the past that is regurgitated into my thinking on an almost 24/7 basis that my mind is scarified and evermore deeply rutted by what has happened and never been healed.

but ever always more on the downhill and depressed run.

my nerves are quite shot and noise gets me jumping in alarm on waking each morning there is always mind fog to clear and haze to lift from hours of temazepam supported restless slumber. 

Each day seems like every other and each day seems to result in me painting myself ever more firmly into the thexprner so that focus and outlook beyond the perimeter of our boundary fence seems to be ever further away.

Maybe the end is drawing nigh.