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 Hokitika Kindergarten Cancels ‘Duck, Duck, Goose’ — Geese Claim Cultural Misrepresentation

HOKITIKA — A local kindergarten on the West Coast has officially retired the classic children’s game “Duck, Duck, Goose” after a group of geese reportedly lodged complaints claiming cultural misrepresentation and speciesist stereotyping.

Head teacher Paula Sickee explained:

“We take inclusivity seriously. Using the word ‘goose’ as the active player in a chasing game could be triggering to both geese and children. We must ensure our playgrounds are emotionally safe for all living beings.”

The new game, Non-Specific Waterfowl Recognition Tag, removes any explicit species labeling. Children now choose a ‘waterfowl’ at random — which could be any bird — before lightly tapping classmates on the head while chanting neutral affirmations like: ‘You are acknowledged.’

Parent Luna Tick said:

“I just wanted my kids to run around and have fun, but apparently even playtime has to be fully decolonised and ethically vetted.”

Local goose activist Sam Witchpres praised the decision:

“Finally, children will learn empathy from a young age and understand that birds are not props for human amusement. Every wingbeat counts.”

Meanwhile, children were reportedly confused.

“I liked saying ‘goose’ and running,” said one 5-year-old. “Now I have to ask the bird’s pronouns before I tap them.”

The kindergarten assured families that all future games will undergo sensitivity audits and bird consultation to prevent further avian microaggressions.