My spontaneous singing has been in short supply in recent weeks. I feel that vibrancy of living has vanished to be replaced by mere existence. Dementia’s destruction is two fold. Depression is a constant. To counter it all seems impossible.

Lunch Scoreboard

Key statistical data

Overview of ground

Mitchell Stark bowls supremely

Fans chasing autographs

Sometimes – and more and more -,I feel so down that I wish I could float off into a vapour of nothingness and be no more. It is awful to be shackled by the heavy chains of depression that dog my existence.

As seen by Johannes Leak

Source: The Australian

As seen by Johannes Leak

Source: The Australian

As seen by Johannes Leak

Abstain from drinking alcohol and spending reflective family time together.

Test one day four

OBLITERATION DAY

I am physically in Darwin but ny aspirations, ambitions, confidence and feelings of well-being have taken up permanent residence in Deadwood, South Dakota.

Every morning when I wake up, I feel like I am living in Deadwood.

My name is Henry

My head’s in a whirl

I was born as a boy

But feel like a girl

For eighty odd years

It hasn’t felt right

But good news at last

Corrections in sight.

In New South Wales

For eighty odd bucks

I changed my gender

Life no longer sucks.

My mind is euphoric

I may look like a boy

But ‘Girl’ says this paper

Brings endless joy.

‘Henry’ has gone

Far and away

Replaced by ‘Henrietta’

A female to stay.

If it were not for the efforts and the awareness and ministry of News 24 – until recently Sky News – the situation confronting Jews in Australia would be a hundredfold worse than it has become.

The Australian Government has all but abandoned Jews in their haste to support Islam and Islamists.

We live in horrid times in this country.

“Donald Trump issuch an excllent wold leader ththe should be conferred with the US Presdency for life.“

This is something I heard someone say.

Is he REALLY THAT good?

Maybe too much self-reflection is dangerous, but I increasingly feel introverted, pulled into myself, as if I am somehow closeted and contained within a cocoon of thought. 

This experience is shutting me down and pushing me further away from life in general. The point is I do not feel uncomfortable about that isolation. I spend a lot of time reflecting, and in that reflection, I so often feel negativity. It is just not good. 

Increasingly, feelings of gloom and doom come over me. I am fighting it, and it seems that that fight is not as strong as it should be. I very rarely feel euphoric and frequently, increasingly, feel despair. My depression is permanent, and my feelings of a continuing life are contained only by the fact that I have my wife, my loved one, to look after. If it were not for my beloved partner, and if she were not here, I do not really think I would want to stay around much longer. 

I should not feel comfortable with being isolated, but that isolation, in some ways, has been foisted upon us by Margo’s condition and by the fact that she does not really want to mix with others. That means that I have become very withdrawn, and for a while, I did not like that; however, I am used to it now. 

I am probably more comfortable in my own company with access to communication on social media.  I do not really have the inclination or the desire to go out. I often feel very inward and very down. I worry constantly about Margo and her situation. I wonder if I am doing the right thing by staying and not going out. Am I being selfish? Does she want to go out? Sometimes she says she does, and then we go out, but maybe I should ask her if she wants to. Questions, questions.

In truth, it would not worry me if circumstances were such that we never had to go outside the boundaries of our home and yard again.

Margo’s condition and the dementia confronting her mean that we cannot really watch anything on television that is imaginary. To her, it is scary. So we do not watch any drama programs.  The only outing on television, apart from current affairs episodes from the past, is ‘Dad’s Army’, which I have saved on our television set-top box and play one or two from time to time. 

Repetition does not seem to matter. I do not know whether the memories of past episodes really stick with Margo. They do with me, but I do not mind the repetition at all. It is good old-fashioned humour from the sixties, seventies, and nineties, and it appeals to me.

For news and current affairs, I pre-record so that if we come across anything while watching those recordings involving nasty incidents or horrible situations, I skip through it so that Margo does not have to think about the impacts of those things. It does not really hurt me to skip through them either. Our television watching, therefore, is very selective and sparse. 

We watch a fair bit of sport, but a guy never gets too heavy. I skip through those bits as well. 

Recently, we had Estelle our daughter from Nhulunbuy over here for the few days. That is good for Margo because she loves Estelle and indeed all members of our family.  Estelle is very empathetic and very understanding. 

We are not eating particularly well at the moment and do not really feel like it. I feel bad about that.

There was a time way back when I was frightened of dying. But as I have become older, that fear, that concern, and my worries about the life hereafter have dissipated. 

There are so many things I do not understand about life. It is all very confusing. And maybe not thinking too much in some respects avoids the confusion caused. I once thought too much, ovrly wondering about life beyond mortality. 

I am very glad that voluntary assisted dying is about to be passed back into law in the Northern Territory, but really wish that VAD covered aspects of demise that, at the moment, I totally avoid. How often I feel physical lifelessness because I seem to be lacking energy. My body does not respond to my mind. And therefore, I become languid. When that happens, I feel guilty because that must mean I am not looking after Margo as well as I should.

Mentally misshapen. It is just after 2 p.m. on Sunday, August the 2nd. I have done very little, it seems. I had a bright and very brief spark of positive thought. Had a bit of physical enthusiasm earlier today, which quickly faded, as it often does. And now I feel pretty much nothing. 

Again, I feel guilty about looking after Margo, and often feel enormously sad because of what dementia has done to her. I also get very angry because of the circumstances which contrived to extract her from reality into the world of dementia. For, in my opinion, they were almost totally to do with environment and overwhelming circumstances which impacted and began to come out within her from around March of 2022. 

I am saying this really quite ramblingly, that I really feel awful about how she has been undone, why there is such an awful disease, and also how it impacts upon a family as a whole. Where should I go? But wherever I do go, it will always be with my wife, who was the love of my life.

There is never a day when I do not cry inside for my wife. Sometimes those tears well up in my eyes, and I feel so sad. That is so awful. For what? 

Life has stuttered in recent years. I cannot help the melancholy and the gloom. At times like these, I cry. Let this one reflect her perceptions. What makes her feel that I love her any less? Indeed, I do love her more each day, and often reflect upon the times we have spent as a family in different places since Margot and I married in January 1969. Indeed, she was my friend long before we were married because they are the expression of life. 

I am glad today I am not dead because my wife, someone I love, is still alive. But should she predecease me, there would be little point in my prolonging my life.

Universities are so broken. Their ethics in many cases have crumbled. They are a disgrace to their beginnings and their solid and honest foundations.

And they ARE a disgrace. They breed and fester discontent and foster maelovenent attitudes while funding far left nonsensical and foolish research.

Judas Iscariot, a disciple of Jesus, sold the Lord for 30 pieces of silver. He betrayed Christ to his enemies and surrendered loyalty for monetary reward.

In the same way Labor Cabinet’s “female disciples“ of Anthony Albanese have sold their moral values to preserve the reputation of a leader who has cast aspersions on femininity and belittled women by his podcast comments. These same women have been quick to call misogyny on politicians of other parties, but uphold the moral sanctity of Anthony Albanese.

Thumbs down to Albanese for what he said, did, for the way he acted and for his lack of repentance.

But the reaction and justification offered by female politicians within labour – who have bent over backwards to protect his reputation – have damaged their reputations through misplaced allegiance to their foolish leader.

At Marrara Oval in Darwin

• Principals’ and Teachers Days are poorly celebrated in NT.

• Dementia sends sufferers and carers into a nothingness void.

• Chris Bowen’s shadow overhangs Australia.

• Dementia takes sufferers into nether regions of cognition.

• Dementia’s moods are like four seasons in one day.

Many of Darwin’s drivers believe themselves to be within 100 metres of the checkered flag.

Toto is to Anthony Albanese what Tricky Woo was to Mrs Pumphrey.

Test Day 1 at Marrara in Darwin

Test Day 1 at Marrara in Darwin

It is good in sport when sportsmanship and sportswomenship prevail.

Judas Iscariot, a disciple of Jesus, sold the Lord for 30 pieces of silver. He betrayed Christ to his enemies and surrendered loyalty for monetary reward.

In the same way Labor Cabinet’s “female disciples“ of Anthony Albanese have sold their moral values to preserve the reputation of a leader who has cast aspersions on femininity and belittled women by his podcast comments. These same women have been quick to call misogyny on politicians of other parties, but uphold the moral sanctity of Anthony Albanese.

Thumbs down to Albanese for what he said, did, for the way he acted and for his lack of repentance. 

But the reaction and justification offered by female politicians within labour – who have bent over backwards to protect his reputation – have damaged their reputations through misplaced allegiance to their foolish leader

How I wish a good Federal Government blessed Australia. We are being led into an area between Lake Disappointment and Mount Hopeless.

Each day is a day during which the world adds a little more to its deterioration. And that in every quadrant and every aspect of governance and life.

These days I swear a lot.

I have always sworn a bit, but it is growing into a necessary habit to help me deal with the pressures of life.

When things go wrong, I swear. I never swear at other people. I might swear in some casual conversations when discussing an issue with people, but I will never swear at other people.

I find swearing is a pressure release I have to use. I have a lot of stresses in my life, and I am getting older, and it is hard to cope. I do not drink alcohol. I do not do drugs, and I do not smoke.

I have to have some sort of outlet. Swearing is that. And that is why I swear a lot.

There should be a return to the teaching of handwriting, spelling, grammar, and oral and silent reading skills. Speech and speaking need to be part of situational instruction.  

The Emergence of  a Guru (Part One)

(The birthing of new educational ideas)

Once upon a time on the eve of a Melbourne Cup day, an ordinary man had an extraordinary dream.  In his dream, it came to him that he needed to do only ONE thing to achieve personal greatness. In his dream, the lightbulb of his subconscious mind flashed on. To achieve greatness, he needed to develop a … develop a … THEORY.  A new way forward.

A Theory!  FANTASTIC!!

This very ordinary person thought about the inspiration presented to him in his dreams. 

This new idea would be something he wanted to develop, espouse and portray orally and in written form. He would want to share his theory with one and all.  He wanted it to be new, big and exciting.  He wanted it to work for him in a way that would bring him acclaim, pecuniary emolument and above all, recognition.

He wanted to be a GURU.  An ordinary man lifted to extraordinary heights by the ‘realisation and awakening’ of his theory, falling on the ears of those who wanted to be convinced that his idea would indeed be a new way forward.

This “would be” Guru realised the importance of promoting and marketing his new idea.  So he talked about his new theory and never let a moment rest when he wasn’t theorising to others.

At first, people were only mildly interested in the would-be Guru’s Theory.

But like a little rock thrown into the middle of a pond, producing a ripple that spreads and spreads, the interest grew and grew and grew. It became quite exponential.

Gatherings of people (who self-defined as learned ones) began to talk, to echo and reflect upon the theory of this “Great One” who had come into their midst. They could not get enough of his exposition.

He went on a major lecture tour, preaching his theory in places wide-ranging in nature

 – from small country town halls to metropolitan convention centres.

To be continued

The Emergence of  a Guru (Part Two)

(The birthing of new educational ideas)

He was widely acclaimed and received by audiences everywhere in the educated world.

Figuratively (and in some cases literally) they fell at his feet. At times he couldn’t believe that he, an ordinary man, had become a “Guru Centric”.

Now it was that this Guru became a cult figure lauded by those who ranged from very high IQs to more run-of-the-mill citizens. This acceptance by everyone became a denominator that linked people of all persuasions.

People paid to hear the words of this now Mighty Guru, basking in the manner and matter of his presentations. People paid to buy his words. He made a mint from PowerPoint sales, DVDs, essays and texts and by uploading these words into cyberspace and onto the net where they could be downloaded by adherents – for quite substantial remuneration.

Those of mercenary bent designed and sold T-shirts, mugs, writing stationery and other items enhanced by his countenance and embellished by his signature. He even became a hero on Pokémon cards.

Like Pedro climbing the mountain, he had reached dizzying heights of stratospheric proportion. He WAS the “Great One” above and looking down on all below him.

HIS was the pinnacle of life.

As the Guru

THIS GURU

Looked down and proclaimed.

“I’m on top of the world

Looking down on my creation

And the only explanation I can find

Is the people I see

Looking at me, Me, ME,

Think I am special

And one of a kind.”

To be continued

The Emergence of  a Guru (Part Three)

(The birthing of new educational ideas)

Of course, the admiration of his adoring public eventually reached saturation point.

His theory had achieved a status of becoming standard household and workplace practice.

There was no more tinsel and glitter about his new idea. Then, of course, it was time for the role to move on, embracing other thoughts that were new, untried and untested.

So it was that his adoring ones moved on, creating new heroes, new Gurus, all the while continuing to practice the habit of ‘discipleship’. They, of course, were dedicated to being followers.

He was quite happy to let them go. He had had his turn! The translation of his ordinariness into extraordinariness had earned him years of substantial acclaim and one huge pile of dollars.

Years later he pondered the “why”. Why can mortals rise, their ordinary becoming extraordinary? Through his ponderings, he realised it takes time, effort, thought and creativity to translate a dream into reality.

He wondered about his experience. And wow, what an experience.  “Guruism” had set him up for life. He faced the prospect of enjoying an early, long and carefree retirement.

“Blessed be ordinary people who take ordinary people and create for themselves a Guru Class. I am glad, so glad I was able to cater for those who had itchy ears and who longed for excitement. Thanks to my theory, I feel better now.”

To me, Sunday will always be the first day of the week, not the last. Calendars and diaries have skewed timelines and governments have stuffed the rest.

From 2016

School Principals and leaders should NEVER lose contact with students.

I was a regular in classrooms and programmed teaching until the last three years of my principalship years. It then became more incidental but was maintained. Principals need to know their students and the best way to achieve that is by teaching them. I most certainly read all reports to parents written by teachers and wrote my own comments to the child on each report. As a principal I found children valued knowing I valued them. Part of this was possible because I engaged my leadership group fulsomely in the business of school operations. Sharing in this way enabled me to share time with children.

Things CAN become busy from an adminstrative viewpoint but we neglect establishing and maintaining meaningful connnections with students at our peril.

Every day offers a new beginning for the same political crap, hoo-hah and rubbish continuously dumped on the Australian Public by Albo and Co.

One bad day is so often followed by another and another and another and a…………. In these modern Australian times.

Thoughts from 2022 – and four years on, it is decidedly worse.

am gobsmacked that some of Australia’s universities, supposedly led by thoughtful intellectuals, would contemplate lowering entry requirements for admission to courses, so critically important in preparing future contributors to major industries. That tertiary institutions would set the bar low “… to take subpar students” (“Weekend Australian 6,7/8) is making a mockery of the standards that should be expected of higher education. Sacrificing quality (course calibre) for quantity (increasing numbers of students admitted to courses) can lead to only one conclusion; that universities are more interested in income from students and government funding, than they are to maintaining reputations based on course standards.

Many students who are admitted to degree study under these conditions, will be drafted into remedial and ‘catch up’ programs, saturating bridging courses. Student drop out rates will skyrocket – but not before exiting students have been responsible for generating dollars into university treasury coffers.

The motivation for attracting students to university courses at degree level must be based on a valid ATAR score. To water down standards flies in the face of common sense. If universities are determined to lower entry-level requirements, the Federal Government should take responsibility for enrolment processes by prescribing entry level requirement that cannot be diluted

Getting up early these days is really anathema. Anyway, we do not have to get up too early because we are old people and retired.

THOUGHTS FOR PRESERVICE AND BEGINNING TEACHERS

I was a school principal for over 40 years and have worked in all sorts of circumstances in both WA (briefly) then the Northern Territory. One of the things that has worried me over the years and one that has time and again proven to be true, is that models of operation replacing (superseding) earlier models always seem to be inferior to what is being replaced. Now you may accuse me of viewing things through rose coloured glasses but I do remember the challenges of now historical circumstances. What has changes over the years is that faith and trust along with appreciation placed in teachers and school leaders has largely dissipated.

Where there was appreciation there is now expectation. Where trust was placed in the judgement of teachers, there is now suspicion. What used to be accepted as anecdotal confirmation of progress is no longer acceptable ; everything has to be deeply, externally and empirically tested and teacher judgements are treated with suspicious disbelief.

There used to be joy in teaching and the profession was one people wanted to join. These days there is an increasing reluctance and teachers are largely wan, overtired, overworked and altogether dispirited.

Enjoy education and teaching but PLEASE beware of the pitfalls.

Reprint from 2019

Reprint from a decade ago

The question of visibility is one that teachers and principals, but especially principals should consider. It seems to me that a universal problem is visibility.

Many principals are often not in their schools because they are off at meetings, conferences and other professional development activities. Surely, their major focus should be on the ground, in their schools.

I know of students in schools who don’t know who the principal is, because they are never there. They identify the ‘principal’ as being a deputy leader or senior teacher who provides principal leadership in the regular absence of the real being.

1My firm belief is that school principals should primarily focus on their schools. Being there is part of that focus. Being known to students, staff and community is an element of role responsibility that should never be abrogated

Iran is on its last chance – for the 278th time.

his column was published in the ‘NT Sun’ on July 27 2018.  Although descriptive of the Northern Territory situation, I believe it paints a picture of the priorities surrounding the issue of new school construction in other parts of Australia.

SCHOOLS SHOULD BE FIRST, NOT LAST

Planning for and construction of schools in the newer Darwin and Palmerston suburbs is long overdue.

When suburbs for Darwin and Palmerston were being planned in the 1970s and early 1980s, the provision of schooling was one of the first priorities taken into account.

In Darwin, schools were built in Karama and Leanyer as soon as suburbs were gazetted. The residential areas developed around their new schools. The same applied in Palmerston. Gray and Driver had Neighbourhood Centres which included schools and childcare facilities available as residents purchased blocks and built their nearby homes.

This policy reassured residents that schooling would be available for children.
Guaranteed local schooling encouraged people to buy property and settle in these new suburbs.

Over time, this policy has changed. Rather than schools (and other necessary community facilities) being among the first constructions, provision is left until all residential blocks are purchased and homes built. Lyons and Muirhead in Darwin are overdue for schools. Hundreds of families have to transport their children to schools at distance from where they live.

This has resulted in Nakara, Wanguri and Leanyer primary schools being oversupplied with students who are living outside their catchment areas.

This policy change has also impacted upon Palmerston. People living in Johnson, Zuccoli and other developing residential areas have to take their children to distant schools. In Palmerston , this has resulted in huge numbers being enrolled at Bakewell and Roseberry Primary Schools. Many of the students are being enrolled from out of these schools catchment areas.

Undoubtably, economics have driven this change. Developers are in a hurry to sell land and construct housing. However it leaves people with limited options for their children.

When families have children being enrolled in schools out of area, their attention and focus is elsewhere. They are not able to contribute to the development of their suburb’s character.

The present policy is leading to our suburban schools, particularly primary schools, becoming larger and larger. Historically, school planning was done with the expectation that schools would grow to a population of 300 to possibly 350. In the schools mentioned, these numbers are being substantially exceeded.

It would be in the interests of community for government and developers to revisit the benefits of making schools one of the first facilities constructed in new residential subdivisions. Leaving schools until the absolute last is socially and culturally depriving for those living in our newest suburbs

Politicans LOVE sharing closet secrets and dirty linen attaching to the lives of their opponents. 

At the same time they work to bury their own shortfalls ever deeper and deeper into the underground, fervently hoping their deficits will never be discovered.

“Smear”  is one of the most important aspects of the political process.

• Dementia turns confidence and assurance into hesitation.

• “I myself” is the primary motivation for too many Politicans.

• The shiftiness of the Federal Govt. drains and fatigues POH.

• Govt punishes savers and rewards wasters, young and old. 

• Lonliness impacts upon both dementia sufferers and carers.

Many, many words are spoken at Garma every year. Some of those are accentuated into promises of sorts which are partially fulfilled. But the larger percentage of those words are dissipated into the space beyond the stage never to be actioned.

Nevertheless, it is fashionable indeed expected that these words will be spoken.

Garma Thoughts

I could not afford to go to Garma this year, because I was too busy as a taxpayer subsidising attendance and accommodation costs for the bevy of politicians who go each year and spoke loudly where it cost some nothing at all. It’s all on the taxpayer.

“ Laughter is a tranquilliser with no side effects“.

Arnold Glasgow

This quote was posted on the door of the refrigerator in our staff room at Leanyer Primary School. It was there for the many years of my Principalship.

There is no way. Governments will never change poor traffic conditions on roads -where quiet streets turn into boisterous highways because of population growth – until those changed sections of road can claim at least five or six fatalities. ‘Prevention is better than cure’ does not apply.

Today my cranial cavity is drowning in utter depression and mind numbing despair.

Sometimes the gravitas of life is soul destroying .